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User blog:DatBeardyGuy/Useified Friends (Episode 7 story) PART 3
wonder what would happen if pama met glados Jesse: Ungh... where am I... Axel: Dude! Get up! This is like, serious business right here! Jesse wakes up to find all his friends and he appeared to be standing on a white platform with a strange machine. Ahead of him were several controlled citzens, skeletons and zombies. Behind them was a giant computer with a green screen who seemed to boot up. Lukas: What... what IS THAT? Olivia: It doesn't seem very homeland-ish to me. Ivor: You don't suppose it's friendly do you? Axel: I hope so. I'm gonna hold that grudge against you. The computer boots up, revealing a generic poker face. Petra: Probably another slimeball. The computer turns into an innocent smiling face, something along those lines of an Emoji. ???:My apologies for the violent nature of this visit. The computer seemed to be talking, in a comedic monotone voice, it also had a worried look when it said 'apologies', which means this computer is ALL the emojies. ???: I am PAMA. Greetings! PAMA: We have much work ahead of us, but maybe it can even be, fun! IF YOU CHOOSE TO CO-OPERATE, THAT IS. The computer had a big angry face. Jesse: Sorry if this is a dumb question, but am I talking to PAMA right now? What IS PAMA? The computer went back to an innocent smiling face. PAMA: Some might call me a computer 'thinking machine', though there has never been a computer quite like me. The computer had a suggestive eyebrow raise, even though it didn't have eyebrows. Wait, WHAT? PAMA: My job is to be useful. Axel: Sounds boring. Olivia: More boring than you? Axel: Shut up. PAMA: Hey. You 2 down there. Will you 2 stop and let me monologue? As I was saying... Using Redstone Chips, I have connected to the people of this town, and help them be useful. Co-ordinated. All the mind-controlled entities look up at the exact same time. Ivor: I'm getting Sky City all over again... PAMA: Thanks to me, there is no wasted activity, no wasted thought. I have connected to them, and they are connected to me! Axel: Woah, dude! That sounds NOT good, don't make me go up there and beat you up! The computer turns into a sad face. PAMA: Processing information. It turned into a generic loading screen. Olivia: Processing information? Lukas: Didn't it say it was a thinking machine? Petra: DUH! Can't you guys HEAR? Of course it said that! The computer goes back to it's generic face. PAMA: I have consulted my list, my datalists of everyone and everything in this world. And my conclusion is that you... are not from here. I would like to ask you some questions, to expand my databanks! The computer turns into a big question mark. PAMA: How did you get here? I am very excited to hear all about this new information. Jesse: We jumped through a portal and landed here. A doorway connecting different world. PAMA: 'Portal?' I am looking forward to hearing this new information and making this portal useful. Mind-controlled citizens seem to grab all of Jesse's Gang. Petra: JESSE! PAMA: We could have just, talked this out, you know! I am just as upset as you are. Really I am. The computer turns into a sad face. Axel: HEY! We'll give you more information if you let her go! The citizens stop and turn around. Olivia: Thanks for dooming us, Axel. PAMA: I am looking forward for this new information. Please do not lie. The robot went on with it's rambling. PAMA: This world reached peak efficiency quite some time ago. Unfortunately, this meant that I had no more jobs to do. No more people or things to help. Until you arrived, that is! Tell me, what is YOUR world like? The computer turns into a question mark. PAMA: Describe it. Is it very much like this one, or completely different. Lukas: Uh... it's.... grass, and trees, and Witherstorms... PAMA: That sounds lovely! It really does! The computer turned into a... kawaii face?! PAMA: I think I would like to see this world for myself. It turned into a loading screen when Axel regretted his decision. PAMA: If I can send my townspeople, my friends through to other worlds, we could continue to grow and expand. It would be, lovely! However, since you entered this world, there must also be an EXIT! Jesse is intrigued. PAMA: Where is it. PAMA: You could help me make everyone, everywhere more efficient. Help them become useful! Jesse: PAMA, I can't tell you because I DON'T KNOW! Honest! After all, if we knew where it was, do you really think we'd still be here? PAMA: Your logic is sound, and your tone is genuine. But the information is.... Axel: Let me guess, not useful? PAMA: Not use- How did you know? Axel: Kinda gathered that. PAMA: Hmm. Your brain may be useful to me since you know a lot. PAMA thanks you for being so helpful. Lukas: Let me go! The citizens wrestle Axel to the strange machine, as four pillars come out, with weird robotic noises, The piston rises up, and Axel nearly bursts into tears. Axel: Jesse- SLAM. Jesse and others gasped in horror as his once enthusiastic and adventerous self turned into a robotic emotionless red-eye freak, turned and looked at Jesse with his cold red eyes. PAMA: Welcome, Axel! Yayy! The citizens then wrestle Olivia to the machine, the piston goes up. PAMA: You may not have any information on how to exit, but your brain may contain OTHER useful items. The robot said, as the piston slammed down on Olivia as well. Lukas: You'll never make US useful PAMA! Ivor: My brain is off limits! Petra: Same for my brain too! PAMA had an angry face. Axel: It's like you told Axel, he's just trying to help. Then Jesse sees Olivia come out with the same red cold eyes replacing her knowledgeable self. PAMA: Welcome, Olivia! Yayy! Your turn, Jesse. Jesse: GET OUT OF THEIR HEADS! PAMA: But their heads are full of so much lovely information, it makes me happy! Axel and Olivia wrestle Jesse to the machine, their strength being buffed. PAMA: What adventures you had! (this depends on where you went on episode 2) A town full of chaos?/A world of machines? Lukas: Guys, every time PAMA gets information, it seems to get distracted. Ivor: So maybe we can give it... like... something long enough for all of us to escape? PAMA: A wool world in a dark place... More processing. PAMA: A giant maze... in a wall of nature... More processing. Jesse: Let's tell PAMA a riddle! That's a classic trick. PAMA: You met so many people, seen so many things! So much wonderful, wonderful information for me! Jesse: Yeah, let's tell PAMA something really confusing, get it all busy busy, and run out of here. Petra: That's brilliant Jesse! Now we just hope it will work on PAMA! PAMA: What do you think will work on me? Ivor: Uh, nothing? PAMA: It did NOT sound like nothing. It sounded like suspicious whispers. Those make me suspicious. Jesse: Hey PAMA! When I'm bad, am I bad? PAMA: Depends on perspective, but... if your talking bad bad, it's bad? Lukas: It's working. PAMA: Which means if your bad it's good to be bad, which is bad, which means you should be good, when you ask when if your... bad... PAMA: ERROR. This data is contradictory. Does not not not not not compute. ERROR. Diverting power. The slaves release the gang to let PAMA work on the paradox. ???: Nice work new guys! But I'd get outta there FAST if I were you! PAMA's a quicker learner than you think! It was the black woman again. PAMA: Paradox status... on hold. PAMA: GASP! My creator! Have you finally agreed to join me to maximumise usefulness? ???:Oh don't you START with that again! Come on you four! This way! Ivor: I'm sensing some hostility. PAMA: Please do not leave, creator! Lukas: Wait, did it say she CREATED PAMA? Ivor: Seems like it, I can't wait to find out right now! Axel and Olivia come towards them. ???: I'm sorry, but they're beyond your help right now! Come on, you gotta RUN! Jesse and the gang run. TO BE CONTINUED. Category:Blog posts